Speaking of Top Tens

I used Joe.My.God’s plumber’s list on my radio show today while covering “Dr.” Holsinger and the Pathophysiology of Male Homosexuality paper.  A caller said I forgot to mention “plumber’s butt”.  Full credit and URL were given to Joe for attribution; let’s see if he doesn’t get a hit or two from Portland.

Today was the Annual Portland Rose Festival Grand Floral Parade #100, so I don’t think a whole lot of people were listening.  But perhaps just a family or two had the radio on when I said “ballcock”.  Or “nipple clamp”.  Ah, that’s quality talk radio right there.

Oh, it wasn’t all Howard Sternish fun and games.  I stooped to covering Paris Hilton, but only in the context of how obsessed the media is with Paris Hilton, which considering that I’m the media now, is ironic or hypocritical.  Can I try another?  I lumped Paris’ in jail / outta jail / in jail case with Dr. Death getting out and Libby going in this week with an overall context of two different justice systems and a charming anecdote of my two day jail term for reckless driving in the ’80s.

OK, truth be told, I just had to do it for th audio of that guy screaming “NOOOO!! NO!” when Paris’ return to jail was announced.  That’s talk radio gold, right thar’.*

It was quite a gay show today, what with Pace leaving and Holsinger coming… sorry… and debates where the only party unified theme is DADT: Yer Either With Us, Or You’re With the Queers!

And here’s where I took the subject: what if this appointment of the fundienut homobigot doctor to be Surgeon General isn’t a matter of incompetance, loyalty, or dunderheaded religiosity, but instead……it’s the demented brainchild of Karl Rove!

{scary music here}

See, I don’t think this appointment is a mistake or an oversight or even blind ideology.  I think this is a calculated move to divert attention away from Iraquagmire and Gonzogate and to help Republican candidates loose the albatross of Bush’s war by painting one of those big bright binary “with us or agin’ us” culture war issues.


Question is, is that hand played out yet?  Polls show a steady rise in the percentage of people who support abolishing DADT specifically and gay righs generally.  Even the military, whose population skews younger, and therefore, more gay tolerant, has shown support for ending DADT.

I don’t think it is played out and I don’t think anyone should rest comfortably with knowledge of poll data.

This really isn’t about gays in the military or gay marriage or any specific gay issue.  From the left or from the right, it’s really about:

Right: Distract and Divide
Left: Equality means Everybody

If only more candidates on the left could somehow hire a marketing guy and latch on to the highly popular notion of equality.  Three words.  Fits on a bumper sticker, covers lots of issues, demonstrates a core belief.  (Don’t laugh at the power of three words.  “Abortion is Murder” worked wonders for the Right.)

For the Right, even they’ve got to know that it’s really just a game, this anti-gay thing.  They can see the writing on the wall, the growing acceptance of gays.  They’ve got to see that their worldview is becoming a shrinking minority in the internetworked world.  I often wonder what their real endgame would look like, if they got what they wanted.  Are they going to kick out all the homosexuals, send ’em back to Homoslavia or wherever it is they come from?  Would they enact a public DADT – you can be gay at home and in private, but sashaying around on the public thoroughfare is a violation and a fine!  Or is there a more sinister endgame that I won’t consider here lest I break Godwin’s Law?

More specifically for Bush, it’s about Run Out the Clock.  My cynical side imagines Cheney and Bush in the secret lah-bor-a-tory, Bush freaking out, sweaty, counting down all the ways his 2nd term could end ignonimously (well, this is Bush; let’s say “badly”), so close to making it, if only he’d done this or done that… and Cheney, Cheney sits cold, calculating, reminding George that he told him this would not be easy, that big rewards require big risks,and that everything is going to turn out just fine, he and Karl have it all under control. 

“I can’t nominate Dr. Holsinger for Surgeon General,” Bush sputters, “I mean, he’s a good man — I’ve seen into his heart — but you know the Democrat party will bring us a lotta heat on this one!” 

Cheney, annoyed, like Lex Luthor in the Superman movies, scoffs, “Mr. President, that’s what we want, remember?  Heat for the gay stuff.  Better than hearing about four dead soldiers a day if you get my meaning.  It’s fluff.  Doesn’t hurt us to defend it, doesn’t hurt us to lose on it, forces Hillary and Obama and the rest to tell the Midwest they’re pro-gay and that might just help one of our candidates in oh-eight who’ll be our pardon in case things don’t go well.  Now drink your juice box and shut your yapper!”

(Alright, I lost the mood with the juice box.  With Bush these days, make it a Chivas.)

* No, I didn’t just see the Pirates movie.  The voice is actually Klondike Gold Prospector Gibberish, but I don’t have the font for that, dagnabbit!…

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