Ever since the historic conclave at Blair Castle back in February, when the Lord of Change presided over the greatest gathering of nobles since Bill the Lord of Triangulation was almost Excommunicated, the serfs of the Holy Craven Empire have been anxiously waiting for the Lord of Change to fulfill his promise that all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.
As serfs who can somehow still afford cable may have noticed, the Lord of Change has been very busy practicing getting angry about the Gulf of Mexico disappearing, so he asked his High Advisor, Rahm the Reprehensible, to handle that all shall be well problem. Rahm highly advised the Lord of Change not to worry about the serfs because they‘re all powerless motherfucking assholes, but the Lord of Change has promises to keep and inches to go before he sleeps, so he informed Rahm that even though change is hard work, they have to get on with it.
Rahm did what he always does when he needs help and advice, but Jane of Hamsher wasn’t home when he called, so he concluded that all was not well yet because the Proclamation of Healing had been too lengthy and difficult to understand. Consequently, he instructed the nobles on the Committees of Change to make sure that the Proclamation of Banking Reform would be shorter and much easier to understand.
It certainly is . . .
All shall be stolen, and all shall be stolen, and all manner of things shall be stolen.
With the Proclamation of Banking Reform heading into the win column, Rahm celebrated by cursing at Helen Thomas in the shower, called Blanche, the Baroness of Lincoln to get an update on her Serf Suppression Strategy, and was relieved to hear that Halter the Heretic will be lucky if he gets 5 votes.
Meanwhile, the Baron of Boehner was demanding an apology from the famous minstrel, Paul of McCartney, who recently inferred that George the Anointed was extremely stupid. Sir Paul declined that invitation to apologize, but another famous minstrel, Elton of John, accepted an invitation to sing at the wedding of Limbaugh the Halfwit, who married some trollop he met six years ago in a haystack in Trent Lott’s field. Which is behind Trent Lott’s house. The one with the porch.
It’s the fourth marriage for the wealthiest halfwit in all of Christendom, who’s now only four marriages behind Henry VIII and gaining fast. Sir Elton displayed amazing restraint by not singing The Bitch is Back at that wedding, perhaps because Limbaugh the Halfwit paid him a million dollars, which Sir Elton is reportedly going to donate to environmental groups.
The second wealthiest halfwit in all of Christendom, Sarah of Palin, recently spent some of her money on a 14-foot high fence when that notorious scribe, Joe of McGinnis, moved next door to write a book about Piper and Trigg and Tripp and Todd and Bristol and Russia. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. You’re so vain, I bet you thought that book was about you.
In election news, Harry, the Earl of Reid, is still under siege in his castle in the distant province of Nevada, where Sue of Lowden and her ragtag army of wingnuts and tea baggers have been catapulting chickens over the walls. Most of the pundits in the capital are watching the siege with intense interest, for they proclaimed long ago that Harry was doomed, and as we all know, if they are wrong even just once, they are summarily fired and are never heard from again.
So there’s a lot at stake.
According to the latest reports, Harry has survived the siege so far and is still holding out. The pile of chicken shit inside the walls is getting pretty deep, but Harry’s used to that, he’s been wading knee deep through chicken shit ever since the Saracens attacked us on 9/11. Ever since that day of universal Muslim Islamic treachery and heroic Republican heroism, every time a Republican has said the word “terrorism”, Democrats have responded by voiding their bowels.
Well. Actually, every time a Republican says anything at all, Democrats respond by voiding their bowels.
But all is not lost. As John of Lennon, the greatest minstrel of them all once said, “I may be a serf, but I’m not the only one.”
We’re just serfs, but we’re pushing the barrier, planting seeds. We’re just serfs, but we know love is the answer, we know that for sure. We’re just serfs, but we’re putting our soul power to the karmic wheel, as John of Lennon asked us to . . .
(Cross-posted at Wild Wild Left)